Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Letting yourself get lost in your relationship is claustrophobic, toxic for both of you, and impossible long term. But Katz stressed that if the relationship isn't working, then it isn't working. Having your partner hear what you're saying, appreciate you, and understand you speaks to a basic need for connection. Whether that means planning special date night or buying surprise gifts, youll know its love when you go the extra mile to keep things fresh. Sanjana is a health writer and editor. 1. By continuing with faking happiness, not only will you feel miserable with your partner, but youll also feel unfulfilled by other areas of your life that used to bring you joy. Do you feel like staying silent is more comfortable than having a deep or important conversation with your spouse? "They have adopted your friends, your interests and you seem to be the planner and initiator in the relationship. Why is this a relationship any different? "But if your partner is consistently letting you down or not spending quality time with you to be with others, this can be problematic." If so, maybe they have brought out the worst in you. Keep your head in the game in this relationship." 5. You don't quit a job you hate. Signs your you may not be happy in your relationship include: You look for excuses not to see your partner You feel an urge to be with someone else You feel you would be happier living a different life You are not attracted to your partner anymore You're using substances to avoid thinking about your conflicts You feel disrespected It often results in one person making sacrifices and denying their own needs, which can ultimately lead to resentment.. Spending 40 plus hours in work that makes you miserable or doesn't fulfill you has an effect on your life. This could be news to them. If all those hypothetical plans are not coming to fruition, it may be time to have a heart to heart. 7. If it wasn't bad enough, your sense of humor seems . When youre not happy in a relationship, pretending may seem like the polite thing to do to prevent your spouse from getting hurt. If you are not happy in a relationship with your partner, it can set your mind wandering. When you are not happy in a relationship, it can affect other areas of your life. 04:35. This correlation illustrates how powerful this sense of connection can be and calls to question the role of guilt in surpassing a parent. Listen to your gut and see what it's telling you. If you feel like a caged bird or that youre in a prison by being in your relationship, then that is probably one of the biggest signs that you are unhappy. This is both a cop-out and a way to absolve yourself of responsibility for your own happiness. RELATED:10 Things Every Child Needs To Hear From Their Parents To Live A Great Life. Staying in a state of unhappiness can contribute to depression and anxiety in other areas of your life, such as work and relationships with friends. If your partner has cheated or betrayed you in some way in the past and you cant let it go, you are probably pretending to be happy when youre not. For Life. But if your partner came into the relationship with a few friends and hobbies, and have integrated themselves into your life entirely, that's a pretty telling sign they might not be enough for you. One of the key signs someone is pretending to be happy in their relationship is acting like their spouse is their favorite person and then never actually spending time with them. Social media is a big deal to many people, so take a good look at yours and use it as a chart of your relationship. A good relationship can be hard to find. See additional information. "If you're still committed to the relationship, be patient. You might even live together, but if they are always in another room or doing something else without you, then that is not good. Either way, faking happiness in a relationship is like pretending to be something youre not. Why do people pretend to be happy in relationships? Be sure you are putting yourself first. If we push past our guilt and achieve more happiness than . 15 signs youre fighting way too often]. Pamper yourself. For most, life goes something like waking up, taking kids to school, going to work, dealing with the kids, sleep. 23 Signs Your Friend Has a Crush On You & Cant Wait to Date You! To become happy in your relationship, you may have to take a step back to analyze it better. Learn how to let go of past with this video: Research published by the Journal of Marriage and the Family found that couples often experience greater happiness when they are spending time together. No matter why youre unhappy, nothing will change if you dont try to fix it. "Losing yourself in a relationship"is a trite phrase thrown around all the time. Psychiatry MMC Journal reports that social support promotes psychological health. Sometimes your unhappiness in a relationship is due to your unhappiness outside the relationship. NBC A lack of communication, disengagement, and a sour temperament are all signs you can look out for if you think your partner is unhappy. You worry. Maybe you feel emotionally or physically abandoned. But let's face it, it's mentally exhausting trying to decode every text or dissect every conversation. This article explores the causes and consequences of unhappy relationships, as well as some advice from a psychologist on how to improve it. Since real joy feels like such a long way off that its practically unobtainable, its tempting to look for something anything to fill the gnawing hole in your gut and your soul. Instead of coming right out and saying: Ive only been pretending to be happy in a relationship with you., Try something like: Ive realized lately that I havent been feeling like myself in our relationship. But if the idea of spending time talking to your partner over a romantic dinner sounds more like a nightmare than a fairy-tale date night, it could be a sign that your relationship needs some work. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. If youre faking being happy in a relationship, you rob yourself of a satisfying life. This is dangerous because dwelling on these fantasies can lead you to cheat and hurt a host of people. A therapist can help you make your way through your unhappiness. Joy and true happiness are fleeting. You might not be anxious and depressed (many are), but youre flirting with them at least. One of the biggest signs someone is pretending to be happy is avoiding communicating with their partner. If you are noticing major mood changes in your partner, or you two are arguing all the time over silly things, chances are your partner is feeling a certain level of unhappiness in the relationship. Do we do it in favor of approval? [Read:15 steps to properly communicate in your relationship]. Revive the neglected romance. Annu Rev Clin Psychol. If you're having a conversation with someone you're supposedly in a relationship with, there shouldn't be any doubt that they want to talk to you, too. They can help you figure out the cause of it and guide you into making more beneficial choices. It's easiest in the beginning stages of a relationship, when one is euphoric and thinking, "this is the one who will complete me". Be sure you are taking accountability for those things. Emotion. Haifa Barbari, love coach and author, suggests asking yourself whether its an area of your own life thats lacking, or a genuine dissatisfaction with your partner and your relationship. "If after you've talked things out and they're still not changing than they're not really in this with you," Pompey explained. Why pretend to be happy when youre not? Despite any challenges that you may face, theyll make fighting for the relationship feel worth it. We respect your privacy and take protecting it seriously. They wont minimize the other persons feelings or say disrespectful things to each other. They Validate Each Other. In fact, love at first sight probably doesn't actually exist. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Sometimes its because theyre afraid of how their life might look to their friends, or maybe their family loves their current partner, and they dont want to disappoint them. Be sure you are putting yourself first. It makes it very hard to have a healthy relationship with this type of person. If it wasnt bad enough, your sense of humor seems to be on hiatus as well. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Let things go and start growing by making space for those that are new. Validation is one of the most important things couples can do for each other. It is taking control of your life and happiness. Either way, be honest with yourself. Inform your partner that you are struggling and need some space. If you have resentment toward your partner, talk to them. This is dangerous because dwelling on these fantasies can lead you to cheat and hurt a host of people. Taking some time apart can help you and your partner put things into perspective and make this decision. It also prevents you and your current spouse from moving forward into a satisfying life either with or without each other. Being alone seems to be the worst thing to some people. But the reality is, you can love someone deeply and still feel like theyre just not enough for you. "They dont have their own life," Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, relationship therapist and founder of online relationship community, Relationup, tells Bustle. Physically too, you need to be challenged by a partner who you're excited to be with intimately, and who you don't just fall into a routine with.". It may not be easy to admit, but relationships are not all rainbows and sunshine. It can be difficult to admit, even to yourself, that you are not happy in your relationship with your partner. It can really vary," Trombetti says. act in front of other people, take it as a huge sign youre pretending to be happy in a relationship. These are some of the reasons that could cause unhappiness in relationships, according to Romanoff: Below, Romanoff explains how unhappiness can impact your relationship: "If people in unhappy relationships were to do a cost-benefit analysis on their relationship, they would probably come out in a deficit," says Romanoff. Be independent. And honestly, he believes that they are pretty great kids. If you want to be happy, talk to your partner. Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva Universitys clinical psychology doctoral program. If you feel like you are not happy in the relationship, try not to blame your partner. Better not even bother to sketch anything. Blaming your partner for your unhappiness will only make things worse for your relationship and you. Clinical Therapist and owner of MK Counseling, LLC, Megan Engdahl, knows how much having insecurities in a relationship can affect someone. If the answer is no, or youve tried and are still feeling lack and dissatisfaction in your relationship, then it's time to let them go kindly using the three-C closure conversation framework to guide a mature breakup conversation, Barbari says. Here are 12 signs you're unhappy in your relationship. "It's not surprising that we tend to choose someone who's 'comfortable enough. 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